Failing Freedom
by letsjustplaypretend
Summary: Newly graduated, Clare Edwards, is done pleasing everyone else. This summer is for her and only her.When a certain someone from her past makes an appearance at a friends party, her motives may change. Will she fail at here newly found freedom?


**Hey! Okay so...I'm taking a break from my other story. Just a break. I WILL finish it. Just... not yet. So, I hope you guys enjoy this... it just sort of popped into my head and I started writing. Maybe it will help your broken Eclare hearts! I sure hope so. Takes place after Clare and Eli have graduated. **

**Clare's POV**

The liquid burned down Clare Edward's throat and she slapped the shot glass down against the counter.

"Another Drew!" She giggled, the words slurring off her lips.

"Edwards, no. You're shitfaced enough. Where's Alli?"

She giggled again, "I dunno'… probably," more giggles, "Having sex, I don't know!"

Drew sighed, shaking his head in disapproval at Clare's resent outbreak of drinking. Though, he knew this wasn't her first time drinking, he still couldn't stop worrying about her. She was his brother's best friend and practically a sister to him.

"Want me to find Adam for you? I don't want to leave you here alone with all these college guys roaming around. You never know what could happen..."

"I'm fine!" she screamed over the music, laughter soon engulfing her entire body, "Drew! Guess what?"

"What?" he sighed, trying to spot Adam through the quick wave of people dancing in the living room.

"I'm freeeeeeeeee!" She screeched throwing her arms up in the air as laughter rippled through her entire body. Every nerve in her body felt like it was on fire, tingling all the while and her mind felt blank though thoughts were rushing through here and there. She was drunk. But she didn't care. Not one bit. She was done making everybody else happy, tonight like most nights throughout the past week and a half were for her. And only for her.

The past few months had been horrid for Clare. Hell, the past year had been a train wreck. Clare's parents had finalized the divorce but since they had kept the house and allowed Clare to live there, whenever they crossed paths all they would do was fight. Her boyfriend, Jake, had graduated and left for college in New York. The distance, though at first was not a problem, soon became one. Clare's feelings for Eli soon resurfaced once her distraction from him was gone and Jake admitted recently that he had cheated on Clare. She knew it would happen eventually, and honestly, she wasn't surprised one bit. She loved Jake, she really did but her love for him was not of the romantic kind. She always knew that, and she was sure he knew that, but they wanted fun. And simply, that's what their whole relationship had been, painless fun. Though, sadness overcame her when Jake and her split, she felt this release of weight on her shoulders. She didn't have to pretend to be happy anymore. She didn't have to pretend like she wasn't in love with someone else. She was free. Free from Jake. Free from Eli. Free from high school. Clare Edwards was free, and she was ready to have a good time.

"I'm going to go get Adam, stay here!" Drew sighed, uncertainty dripping off the ends of his words.

"Okay! Take your time!" she shouted back as Drew maneuvered his way out of the kitchen. _Goal!_ She thought. She stepped down and off her stool making her way behind the counter searching for her prized possession. She now stood exactly where Drew had been minutes ago and her eyes located what she had been looking for. _Idiot, _she thought. Drew had left the liquor directly underneath the countertop, in the open for anyone to use. "Yoink!" she laughed clutching the bottle close to her chest, "You're all mine!" Clare quickly undid the top of the bottle and brought it to her lips, "Bottoms up!" she giggled before letting the liquid overtake her mind and leaning back against the counter.

**Eli's POV**

"I cannot believe you made me come to this party, Adam!" Eli hissed as he made his way through the Torres's front door.

"Oh shuttup, I graduated yesterday, you know that! I wanted to celebrate...well... Drew wanted me to celebrate. Whatever. You'll have fun! Plus I needed a good wingman…I don't want to drink alone and Drew's busy with Bianca probably. I need a release from all this pain with me and Katie's break up, so tonight was the perfect opportunity. Plus... Mom and Dad left this morning for Dad's work convention in Ottawa so why not? " Adam chuckled as they entered the kitchen.

"You'll get over it man," he patted Adams shoulder as they hovered over the snacks arranged on the table. Adam nodded in agreement as he began to stuff his face with numerous amounts of Doritos.

"Take it easy dude, you're just going to end up puking it all up later anyways," Adam snorted at Eli's words.

"That, my friend, will be you. Not me. And simply, I don't give a shit."

Eli sighed, shaking his head lightly as he decided to search the crowd for anyone he knew. _ All college kids. I wonder if __**she's**__ here…_he thought to himself as he glanced back at Adam.

"Where's the booze?"

"Already? Damn Eli, here," Adam shifted over towards the counter on the other side of the kitchen. He bent down and opened a cabinet. "It's all in here. There's buckets of beers in the living room, and I'm sure you could find other various drinks throughout the house knowing Drew."

"Mhmm, alright hand me some whiskey."

"Really, Eli?"

He nodded and reached out his hand, waiting for the bottle to be placed in his palm.

"I don't know where it is... it's not in here. Someone must have taken it," Adam sighed, "Sorry dude, just go grab some beer?"

"Sure, you want one?"

"Nah, I'm good with this baby!" Adam lifted the vodka bottle up to chest.

"You would," Eli laughed as he pushed his way through the crowds and into the living room. He took this opportunity to more deeply search for people he could possibly mingle with later. Scanning the crowd for the bucket of beer his eyes soon locked on two girls dancing on Adams living room table. _What whores..._ he thought as he finally found the beers. As his hand reached into the bucket to grab a couple beers to bring back into the kitchen he was pushed slightly and ended up knocking into the floor lamp.

"Shit," he spoke, quickly catching the lamp before it had the possibility of hitting the ground.

"Smooth moves, Eli" someone cooed from behind him. He knew that voice, and it sent shivers down his spine.

"Imogen," he spat.

"Nice to see you too," she smiled.

"Why are you fucking here?"

"Just partying, thought I'd run into you… you haven't called me back, Eli."

"And?"

"It's been a year, can't you just forgive me already?" she screamed over the volume of the music, desperation leaking through her words.

"No. I don't think I ever will, just leave me alone!" his anger was hitting a high. Eli turned around and grabbed three beers from the bucket and made his way back to the kitchen, fuming. He soon entered, chugging one of the beers wanting to feel free as quickly as he could.

"Whoa, slow down dude," Adam snickered.

"Imogen is here. So, no thank you."

"Why the fuck is she here? I didn't invite her."

"Probably saw statuses on Facerange, whatever. She's a creep but I need to let go so pour me some of that vodka."

"Are you sure…?" Adam asked, pulling out another shot glass and setting it on the counter.

"Pour it, man." Eli sighed, his thoughts racing throughout his mind. _Why was Imogen here?_ She screwed him over two years prior when they were trying to start a friendship. She had manipulated Eli into hating the one person he loved to death, Clare…and he lost her forever. She hated him. He didn't blame her really, he had made a play centering on her and made her look like a complete and utter bitch. All thanks to Imogen and her manipulating ways, Clare never spoke to him after that. He had screwed up majorly before then too but the second time was worse. After seeing how upset Clare was once the play was over... Eli knew he had screwed up but he didn't blame Imogen. He blamed himself. She was the only one there for him and he thought she cared. He was completely vulnerable in front of her and she took it into her advantage and helped him spiral farther down into a dark madness. After the play incident, Adam stopped talking to him and he was left completely alone. Besides Imogen, he had no one. It wasn't until the beginning of his senior year when he finally got his life back on track and told Imogen they couldn't be friends anymore. His parents had made him go to a rehabilitation center over the summer and it really helped him clear his head. It helped Eli get better and it helped Eli realize what he needed to do to _stay_ better; and it didn't involve Imogen. Once he ended their friendship she went ballistic and began popping up here and there to beg for his forgiveness but he never caved. She just wouldn't take a hint and Eli was really tired of it. Two years and the girl wouldn't move on. She clearly needed help. And that help would definitely not come from Eli.

"Adam!" someone screamed and Eli's thoughts were disturbed. He took the glass of vodka sitting on the counter and drank wanting to forget the past. Wanting to be free.

"Drew! Whatcha' want?"

Another shot.

"Where the fuck have you been? I've been looking for you for twenty fucking minutes, or well it feels like it," he snapped. Eli set down his shot glass and took the vodka bottle from the counter, spilling the contents into his mouth.

"Dude, calm down. I've been in here for about ten minutes why?"

More vodka.

Eli was now intrigued in the conversation seeing as Drew seemed completely on edge about something.

"It's Clare. She drunk out of her- Oh shit! Clare! She was in here when I left have you seen her?"

The moment Eli heard Clare's name slip from Drew's lips he could feel all the color drain from him. _She's here. She. Is. Here. Fuck_.Eli quickly took another drink from the bottle and set it down.

"She's drinking again isn't she? Ah fuck, Drew. We have to find her _now_."

Eli's thoughts were racing a mile a minute. His feelings were a live wire, switching from one emotion to the next quickly. The familiar feeling of an airy sensation was slithering through Eli's body and he picked the vodka bottle up again, chugging more liquid. He wanted to be free. He just wanted to _let go._

"Guys…?" he asked. They ignored him.

More vodka.

"Where would she be? With Alli I would think…?" Adam's words drifted off at the end as he glanced over at Eli who was still sipping from the bottle of liquor. "Eli! Holy shit! You drank like the whole fucking bottle! Take it easy!" He grabbed for the bottle but Eli resisted.

"She's here! But you didn't," he coughed, "You didn't tell me!"

"You are supposed to take shots with that, you idiot! You're going to be way too wasted to go anywhere. Just stay here. We have to find Clare. She's probably way worse than you already are dude."

"I-I wanttt to help!" he slurred sternly, staring Adam straight in the eye. Adam glanced over at Drew who just shrugged and looked towards the crowd dancing in the living room.

"The more people who help, the quicker we find her. She was already _way_ gone when we were talking and I don't know half the people here Adam."

Eli placed the bottle back on the counter, grabbed one of his beers, and began swaying towards the living room, Adam and Drew's calls faltering behind him. She was here. Clare was here. He needed to see her. Talk to her. Anything. His nerves were sizzling beneath his skin and his stomach was flipping around as he searched the crowd for the girl he missed with ever ounce in him.

**Clare's POV**

The music was vibrating her body, helping her move to the beat. Her thoughts were nonexistent as she grinded into a random guy, making sure to never make eye contact as he turned her around.

"You wana' make out?" he whispered into her ear, sending chills to her core.

"No, no thank you! I'm going to grab another beer!" she spoke pushing off his chest, swaying her hips through the crowd over to the buckets of beverages. Though Clare was drunk she honestly just wanted another drink. The free feeling that was still sizzling within her was calling for a re-fill and she wanted more. More freedom. As she made her way to her destination she couldn't help but notice Alli making her way towards the kitchen.

"Alllliii!" she screeched, grabbing her attention.

"There you are!" Alli screamed back, making her way over to Clare.

"Wanaaaa- dance?" giggles poured from her lips once again.

Alli nodded, "How drunk are you?"

"Who cares? Let's go!" she laughed out, grabbing Alli's hand and pulling her over towards the beer.

"More alcohol Clare? I think you've had enough," she spat, pulling Clare in the opposite direction towards the crowd of dancing partygoers.

"No. I need more Alli!" she slurred, breaking their grasp.

"Why? Why do you need more!"

"I'm free! That's why! Okay? Why won't you guys lemme' have some fun?" she screeched back, slipping back over to the buckets. Her face felt hot, and she needed a release. She scrunched down, picked up a Corona and quickly began guzzling it down; the freeing sensation immediately became stronger within her body. Perspiration droplets were starting to form on her forehead so she shrugged off her cardigan, letting it fall to the ground. She brought the bottle back to her lips and forced the liquid down.

"Enough," Alli spoke taking the bottle from Clare's grasp, "Dancing time, okay?"

"I thought- um- thoug" Alli cut her off mid sentence, "I'm just worried about you. That's all," she sighed.

"Don't be, I'm a big girl! To the dance floor!" Clare laced her fingers through her best friend's and led the way over towards the speakers. Before Clare could get a good grip on Alli's hips and begin their dancing, Alli found herself too wrapped up in some college guys and began swaying her hips into one of them.

"Sorry" she mouthed. Clare simply nodded and proceeded to shake her hips to the beat. Her mind began to get lost in the music. She closed her eyes and let the body heat from the surrounding people guide her into a dancing frenzy.

**Eli's POV**

Eli had only walked a few more steps until Adam came running into him.

"We'll look together," he breathed. Eli just nodded and continued glancing around. He placed the bottle of beer on a table and began searching with Adam.

"Knowing her she's probably dancing," Eli slurred, trying to keep a clean composure but the alcohol was starting to completely take over his mind.

"Yeah, the past week and a half whenever there was a party all she does is get wasted and go dance around with guys. It's not like her and it's starting to scare me, man. I don't know what's up with her anymore. She won't let me in, not even Alli," Adam sighed, looking towards the group of dancers near where the speakers were set up.

"Really? Saint Clare getting wasted?" Eli was extremely surprised at his wording. What the hell was he doing talking about Clare like that?

"Over there!" Adam screamed, pointing towards a girl in skinny jeans and a pink crop top that was showing off her naval.

"Since when is Clare's skin brown?" Eli let a laugh fall from his lips and he knew he was gone. He was officially drunk out of his mind.

"That's Alli, you idiot!" Adam began maneuvering his way towards Alli, Eli tried to follow him but his feet felt like he was dragging them through quicksand. He stumbled over someone's foot and was abruptly pushed into a girl whom had been dancing all by herself. Giggles soon overtook Eli's mind and his chest was now pressed against the girl's back.

"S-Sorry" he slurred.

More giggles and then the girl's arms moved up and behind Eli's head, locking themselves together. Her fingers began to slither their way through his hair, tugging here and there, and Eli let a slight moan slip from his lips.

"Dance with me!" she screamed over the loud vibrations of the music, pressing her back harder into Eli's chest.

Eli didn't respond at first, he simply just listened to the music. His mind was a blank slate and he couldn't even focus on the girl in front of him. Her hair was short and an auburn color that simply took his breath away. The curls were enchanting to his eyes so he placed his hands on her hips and began to move against her body.

"There we go!" giggles again.

Eli chucked to himself at how freely the girl acted. She never once turned around to take in Eli's appearance and that shocked him immensely. Most girl's would have made sure he wasn't some jerk trying to get a quickie but this girl just pressed herself deeper and deeper into Eli and it made his hormones go wild. Sweat beads were forming on the back of his neck and he slid his hands up her body. She moaned at his movements, making a grin spread wide against his lips. Her shirt had ridden up a bit and he took advantage of the situation and began to rub gentle circles on her skin. She gasped at the contact and began to press even harder into Eli's front side. Eli's imagination was running wild with what the girl could like and before he could spin her around to face his chest someone began screaming Clare's name.

_Oh Crap.. Clare._ Eli thought to himself, quickly remembering why he was on the dance floor in the first place. Guilt began to rush over him but soon diminished when the girl unclasped her hands and brought them down on top of Eli's, gripping hard.

"What, Adam?" the girl screamed, continuing her movements into Eli.

"You are fucking wasted, that's what Clare!" Adam shouted back.

Eli, for the second time that night, felt all the color fade from his body. His mind went blank again and fear began to wash through his veins. The girl was Clare. Eli had been grinding and groping Clare.

_Clare. _

_Clare._

_**Clare.**_

"So what?" she screamed back. Eli rushed to free his hands from Clare's grip but she wouldn't let him leave. He soon began to panic as he felt his stomach curl and a sickening feeling filled his body. He forcefully pulled his hands from Clare's and hunched over to empty the contents of his stomach onto the dance floor.

"What the fuck dude?" screamed Adam as Clare bent down to gently rub Eli's back. Eli swatted her hand away as he got up and faced Adam.

"Sorry dude," he sighed, wiping his hand across his mouth.

"Eli?" Adam asked, confusion filling the air.

"What?" Clare gasped.

**Clare's POV**

_This is not happening_, Clare thought as she turned to face the guy she had been grinding on, the guy who was apparently Eli.

"What the-" she began, but was quickly cut off as she felt the world under her began to fall and she was in someone's arms. Being carried away.

"Let me down! Stop!" she cried, wishing she was back there. Back with Eli.

"No. You're coming upstairs and you're _staying _there until everyone is out of the house."

"Why Drew? Why can't I have some fun!" she screamed, tears now streaming down her face, thoughts of Eli filling her mind.

"Because we care about you that's why," Drew plopped her down on Adam's bed and let out a lengthy sigh. "I'm going to go get everyone to leave, you grab something of Adam's to sleep in and stay the fuck here. Leave and you don't want to know what going to happen, okay?" he spat.

She just nodded as Drew left the room and let herself begin to sob uncontrollably. She still couldn't think straight, the high sensations she was feeling only minutes before was now becoming a low and all she wanted to do was cry. Crying, lately, was the only thing she could do right. Through blurry eyes, Clare stood from the bed and made her way over to Adam's dresser, opening up drawers, searching for a t-shirt and shorts. After opening two drawers, she came to the third and found what she was looking for. Grabbing a shirt from the two piles within the drawer, she ripped her shirt over her head and pulled Adam's down over her body. She sighed at the feeling of the soft fabric brushing against her skin and savored the welcoming sensation. Luckily the drawer which had contained the t-shirt withheld sweats and shorts and Clare opted for basketballs shorts. She unbuttoned her jeans and slipped them down to her ankles, swaying as she did so and ended up tripping over her own feet and landed flat on her butt.

"I can't do anything right!" she choked out, sobs shaking her body. She kicked her feet, finally freeing her legs from her jeans and squirmed the shorts up her legs, still lying on the floor. Once fully clothed, she put her head back on the wooden floor and looked up at the ceiling fan, watching the rotations expertly. A dizzy feeling overtook her head and she blinked her eyes rapidly trying to shake it off. She picked her head up off the floor and brought herself up on all fours. Not wanting to fall again, Clare crawled her way over to Adam's bed, gripping the sheets and attempting to pull herself up off the floor. She succeeded and slid up the bed, planting her head on one of the many comic themed pillows. Tears still fell silently as she nuzzled into the pillowcase. Her eyes glanced to Adam's bed side table checking the time- 2:13AM she read. Thankfully she had told her parents she was spending the night at Alli's so she didn't have to deal with them but Adam was bound to come up here eventually and she wasn't in the mood for more of his yelling. Her eyes wandered to the picture frame that stood next to the alarm clock and she let out an exasperated sigh.

_Eli_, she thought.

Clare shimmied her way over to the other side of the bed, and plucked the frame off the bedside table. She sat up now, her head leaning against the backboard and her thumbs glided over the faces in the picture. Three smiling friends, Clare in the middle, Eli and Adam on either side of her. They were in front of Adam's couch that sat in the basement, getting ready for one of their many movie nights. That year had been a rather good year for the misfits, well the first half had been. Everything came spiraling down after Valentines Day and Clare would give anything to go back to the times where she was happy and felt secure in her own life. She knew what she wanted back then and everything was simple. Nowadays everything never went the way she wanted it too, and she was nowhere near to feeling happy. Clare hadn't felt like herself in a long time and she wanted nothing more than to discover her old self and start over. Start new. Start fresh.

There was just something pulling her back to the past and she couldn't pin point what exactly it was but she craved to know why she couldn't just move on.

Clare's thoughts were rudely interrupted by a crashing sound coming from outside of Adam's room. She scrambled to her feet, her head throbbing all the while and abruptly opened the door.

Nothing.

Nothing but soft murmurs coming from down the stairs.

"I heard that door open! Get your ass back in Adam's room!" Drew shouted from whichever room he was in and Clare disobeyed, wobbling her way down the stairs.

"You're not in charge of me!" she screamed back making her way towards the kitchen, where the light was beaming from. The light immediately made her head throb faster and she gripped onto the door frame when she came to the opening of the kitchen.

"You look like shit," Adam spat, clearly not taking her feelings into account.

"Well thanks, asshole" she snapped back, groaning and sliding down the door frame. "Where is everyone and what was that loud crash?" she slurred, her drunkenness still evident.

"You've been up there an hour. I told them to leave, it was getting late anyways," Drew spoke ignoring the second part of her question.

"Where's Alli?"

"Adam called her a cab."

"My head kills," she cried, tears falling freely again.

"That's what you get for drinking. Get your butt up and come over here, I have Advil," Adam spoke soothingly. She calmly pushed herself up and off the wooden floor and attempted to walk her way over to Adam. Drew decided to help out, and grasped her arm, leading her to Adam.

"No more drinking, okay?" he whispered.

"No pro-omises"

"Here," Adam spoke, handing her the pill and a glass of water.

"T-thanks," she sighed, taking the pill and placing it on her tongue, bringing the cup to her mouth and letting the water swish the pill down her throat. Clare set the cup back on the counter and leaned against the cabinets, sliding down to the wood once again.

"You really like the floor tonight," Adam chuckled.

"S-standing. I-it ma-makes me f-feel dizzy."

"Ahhh, Okay. Well I'm surprised you didn't pass out yet," more chuckling.

"My head wasss killing m-me" she spoke, wiping the liquid off of her cheeks, her crying had finally subsided.

"Well, I'm going to hit the hay, Bianca's upstairs waiting. So try and keep it down, please. And Clare?" Drew spoke.

"Mhhmmm?"

"Don't pull this shit again, or you're going to be in big trouble," he winked, making his way over to her patting her head lightly.

"I'll try not to," she murmured back.

"Goodnight guys," he spoke once more, making his way up the stairs to his room.

"I'm an idiot, Adam. I know what you're thinking. I j-just can't pretend to be okay anymore when I'm not," Clare spoke, her emotions getting the better of her. She sniffled, pulling herself up from the floor, now standing still, directly across from Adam.

"I wish you would just let me in Clare. I could help you, help fix whatever is wrong..."his sentence drifted off as his eyes met Clare's.

"That's it though, Adam. I don't know w-what's wrong with m- me," she breathed in than out, trying to push her emotions to the side. Crying would only cause more pain to her head, which was still aching.

"Come here," Adam suggested, opening his arms out. Clare carefully walked to him and clutched to his shirt, the pain breaking through her protective barrier yet again and tears began to spill out. "Shhh- It's okay Clare. I'm here for you, whatever you need. Shhhh," Adam cooed, smoothing Clare's curls down.

Their embrace was soon interrupted by a loud, crashing sound, which came from the basement. Laughter now filled the atmosphere as Clare made her way back to her corner of the kitchen, confusion spreading across her face.

"Umm…" Adam sighed, rubbing his temples, "Fuck."

Before Clare could speak her thoughts, someone else spoke, "Adaaaaaammm!" footsteps. "I broke," more laughter, "A lamp!" and the mystery person appeared in the doorway.


End file.
